Thursday, January 15, 2009

The One with the Bullies

Dear Townspeople,

I assume you are all familiar with the commercial that has a parrot who repeats what his owner says everyday when he comes home from work? "Squawk.. not another day... squawk..." Well if I were that parrot I would have to constantly repeat, "What is the deal? Are the speed limit signs only for me in this town?!"

Due to your driving behavior, my mom has come to the conclusion that the 25 MPH speed limit signs within the town limits are misprinted. She would like to request that the signs all be corrected to read, "Jill's Speed Limit." This is evident in that fact the every single time she leaves the house, you do your best to push her down the road. When the signs are corrected, she will politely move to the shoulder and let everyone pass.

Until then, please obey the existing signs. The number on the sign is not a suggestion as mom found out last spring. She was ticketed for doing 32 in a 30 (not a typo). She is not trying to aggravate you by obeying the laws of the road. Well... usually. She is doing the exact speed limit lest Ms. Officer Not-a-Morning-Person pulls her over again. She will continue to follow the law exactly until the ticket drops off of her record so stop tailgating her! Please. I'm tired of hearing the same old gripes.

Monkey "Z"


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